Today I was packing lunches for myself and my 20 month old daughter.
Today I was packing lunches for myself and my 20 month old daughter. I looked at our food and realized that I had packed her a large and higher calorie lunch than I packed for myself. Even though I've been in "recovery" from my eating disorder for years, moments like that make me feel like I'm always going to be haunted by my eating disorder and poor body image. I feel like I'll forever be trying to shrink, having it so ingrained in me that even though I've done a lot of work and come so far. It's instinct to eat as little as possible, holding on to hope that I'll get smaller. It's really hard to see a future where I actually feel FREE from my eating disorder. I follow all the self love influencers. I believe in health at every size, and find beauty in other fat bodies, why can't I see it in my own?